Looking Back at 2005

2005 was a big turning point for a girl like me, who has spent all her life in school - all well protected and sheltered from the outside world, - where possibly the scariest thing I had ever been through was.. ermm, exams?

My final lap of exams ended in May. I should be relieved. But alas, I realised it was at this same time that I was to be thrown into the huge pool and left to survive on my own. I was no longer a part of NUS.. there was no “next default” place that I was told to head to.. I belonged no where then. It was all up to me - and just me alone - to find the way to this “next” place.

Finding it was only the beginning. There were many things to observe, to be aware of, and to learn along the way. Uncertainty was perhaps the most daunting thing about life now. I had no idea what I want and can do. I wasn’t even sure if I was heading in the right direction.

I fear making mistakes along the way, till now I still am. But I have also learnt in the past half a year that making mistakes is inevitable and I shouldn’t condemn it as a bad thing. Cuz it was through making mistakes that I learnt the right thing.

Working life meant the need to develop greater self-independence. I find myself needing to make decisions more often now, and these are much bigger decisions in life. I tend to worry.. worry that I do not make the best decision I could. But I later realised that this wasn’t an effective way to handle it at all.

I know I am old enough now to analyse and take responsibility for my own decisions. I will respect my own reasons and take pride in my decision no matter how others view it, because ultimately it is about myself.
Now.. this is gonna be real hard I know, but I will really try to work on it this year!

Working brings along spending power. Oh yes, this is one aspect of working that calls for wisdom and some adapting to in order to take it well. From a poor student to a working individual with some ability to support myself, my list of wants started to grow at a ridiculous speed. I realised there were so many things lacking in my possession and I was dying to get EVERY one of them all at once. I couldn’t wait, I was just plain impatient, I see.

I was lucky that I still managed to control my expenses somehow, but it was really a tough struggle especially for the first 4 months of working. My material desires were getting out of hand, and I just wasn’t that happy at the end of the day because my wants were not satisfied. There was just a craving for more more more..

But boy, I’m glad the bell-curve principle applies here as well - what goes up must come down! Towards the end of last year, things were going downhill..thankfully! I no longer go, “OH I want this, OH I want that too!!” when I go shopping and see pretty things..mm not good. Instead of having the strong desire to buy lots of new things, I would acknowledge that it is nice, but am also aware that I did not need it. No more excessive temptations, no more struggles best of all!

Probably that’s because I have already gotten most of the things I needed by then. And plus the gifts that I received for birthday & christmas, I felt that I had EVERYTHING I wanted! For the first time, I felt this strong sense of content come from within. It is a really good feeling I must say, a feeling of adundance and being in control. Knowing that I appreciate the things I already have, I feel blessed, and rich too!

Year 2005 ended with a meaningful lesson of contentment, and I hope it will always be with me.