I am Small

It was past mid-afternoon. I finally finished up two long lists of requests that were left pending in my inbox since yesterday.

Phew.

Time for a break! My throat had already gotten quite dry by then. I decided to have a break and take a sip of water.

I made my way to the dry pantry, took out a styrofoam cup and half- stoned while waiting for the water cooler to fill my cup full.

Done.

I released my finger from the cooler button, held my cup carefully in my hand and was about to turn and head straight back to my seat.

But today, for one reason or another, I paused, and decided to stay here a while longer.

I walked towards the high window at the side of the pantry, and started to observe the view outside from 19 storeys high.

The sky was dark, it looked like it was gonna rain. But the scenery was just beautiful.
Though there were only man-made structures and roads, they formed a complete picture.
A picture that I had never stopped to appreciate until today.

Looking down, the outline of the curvy roads created an interesting pattern. It had never appeared to me in this way when I cross them everyday.

I saw a superbus turn at the junction. It looked as though it was made of paper. And the cars that were cruising smoothly along the roads, they looked like little toy cars.
From this distance, frankly speaking a proton or a BMW doesn’t make a difference anymore. They are just- cars. Moving ones that actually looked quite cute.

For a second, I felt like I was a tall giant. My legs seem to stretch all the way to the ground from where I was- 19th storeys high.
I was at the top, over all those miniature things at my feet, and there I was looking down at them.

Then right across was a tall building that was undergoing construction. I detected some small movements at the top of it, and realised they are construction workers.
Ghee. But they look really puney. They look just like the size of my finger!

So… that makes me a puney as well, isn’t it??
Okay, so I am not some tall giant that I had imagined myself to be. I am only THIS big.
………

(I recall the last time that I sat in a flight. I was peering out of the window and saw another plane a distance away. Probably ‘a distance’ then was equivalent to thousands of kilometres.

I stared at the plane real hard for almost 5 mins… I couldn’t believe how the almighty SIA plane that I always admire at the airport suddenly appeared like a toy flying model.
It is so tiny amidst the towering clouds. SO TINY, it doesn’t look real at all…

There I was, only one out of the hundreds of people contained in this ‘tiny’ piece of metal. That made me realise how small I was- as small as a speck of dust.)

Small as I am, I am happy being small.
In being small, we can be big.

Small things may appear insignificant, but its value we tend to overlook if we only look at them from a single perspective.
Similarly, big things may appear big, but it might just be a fallacy.

In appreciating small things, I believe that small things become big.
It doesn’t cost us much, but what it gives back may well be much more than we expect.

Sometimes I question myself: should I try to become big? But I guess this is not what I am meant to be.

I will always be on the path towards learning to take pride in being myself. Take pride in being small because it is all these small things that make up who I am.

At the end of the day, it is not about how many requests I have processed, how many As I have scored, or how much money I have earned.

I would rather wish that it is about how many smiles I have brought to the people around me, and what kind of a person people remember Shan as (^-^)

~ International Women's Day ~

Does that ring a bell? This day has never existed in my calendar anyway by the way.

Last weekend I was reading about it in the papers. INTERNATIONAL WOMEN’S DAY. Oh ok.

Top 20 women to look out for...
Oh Wow.
Manager at age 32 with 2 kids.
WoW...
Young Managing Director of so and so MNC...
WOW.
wow wow.......
and the list goes on..

So. Where do I see myself in the next 5-10 years?
Gabra gabra gabra....
Erm... Hmm.... Eh... Hehe.
I DUNO.

You know, I’m really curious how these women can manage their super hectic work schedules and balance their family life at the same time? And why they seem to be able to kick it all so darn well! These people I call them the true creators of time..amazing people. I can never beat them to that I know, so I really admire those career women out there. Here’s a pat on the back!

I admit that I am not the sort who can survive this kind of lifestyle. Though there’s no farm, no open grasslands and no hilly areas in a busy city like Singapore, but amidst all the rush I would still love to have time for strolls and take my own sweet time to enjoy my meals and breathe the fresh air. I can't imagine being on hot heels every other minute and not afford to stop and take a breath. Or perhaps stone? If I can, I would prefer to take things slow, observe all the small things around me that I would have missed if I were rushing around like a busy bee my whole life.

That said, there is one thing that I strongly believe in - that everyone seeks a different path in life, as we are all here for a different purpose.

It's hard to be making a statement like this and live up to it when you are constantly faced with all the peer/societal pressure and what not. Individual success is measured solely on social/financial status and you see it so clearly right in our newspaper headlines.

So it seems striving for wealth and status is just the right thing to do and probably also the only thing that is worth our entire lifetime – every single one of us. But it’s so not true!
And the judgement: If you don't get there, you're simply OFF TRACK. Fullstop.
So this is all but a practical, materialistic world we live in..
*$$$ flashes...*

I think otherwise. Frankly speaking, I don't see myself ever heading anywhere near where all these people are going. Put simply, money is all but a means.

I may be seriously off track based on the criteria the society has set - and yes that's my own choice too - but I am glad to say I may be well on track on my own agenda! Working my time on things that I enjoy and care most is all I ever want. I am contented leading a simple yet fulfilling life. It may not bring me lots of material luxuries but it's ok. For goodness, who would let your own stomach go hungry? And I still want my share of spa indulgences once in a while to pamper myself a fair bit too!

At the end of the day, my principles are grounded on this word - 'NET'. How much comes in, that much goes out. So net, everyone is not that much different either! It's just mind tricks you know, and what you choose to see and believe in.